waltz with me
everything went black the moment my eyelids resurfaced and soaked up her face...she woke my spirit, in a somewhat violent way...she fevered my breath and beat my heart faster than i could manage, inside and instantly, she had her grip. Her name was Tessa, or so that was the stage name provided to me. i had been through a hell of a time in a relationship that wreaked havoc on my soul...so much so that i was now on the self destruction highway and i wasn't getting any speeding tickets....
i felt the ground tremor as her 6" stiletto heels pounded and pierced the phony wood tiles branding the stage....the glare from these sick plastic shoes brought wince to my eyes, but they regrouped and remained open and wide...quickly locking with hers and forging an incredible desire...
I understood the drill, with clientele, but something felt different when Ms. Tessa sat eagerly atop her bar stool seat, an effort, perhaps to meet....someone different and strange, not typical and maybe not that tame. Pumping with confidence from beers and...well, beers...I spoke outside my lines and laid ground for something I didn't even realize. The fact of the matter was this venue's product is fantasy, and fuck did I land on it's island in style. I had enough of enough, needed a vacation from my life and so...I wanted to buy land. The uneven, eco-unfriendly table nearly spilled our swill when one of us, or both of us posted elbows on it's surface..but Tessa's lashes never crossed over to cover her lovely, vibrant eyes...her portrait remained aglow.
After a short conversation i let her dance..and bury my mind, ditching away the shreds of life left, broken from the terror I relate to on any given day...this brought purpose and sound into a fading drum...the beat in my heart felt a rebirth. I began to feel ashamed at myself for following the fairy tail that this scene fosters, yet demons crept and crawled...and I scampered away....it all took hold.
i watched victims, suckered for money, pray for love...while each temptress talked their game and danced on top and over any sense of hope. Scared to acknowledge that I felt I was the same, a lost ship, sinking and rutterless, baring witness to this maiden, engaged in her own voyage....she drew me close with a different approach.........
Bending my limits enough, i intended to crawl away but the stubborn substance which kept me creeping along was forcing and forging a path without my enforced direction.....i knew I knew this woman from history and a life which ive passed through before.....
i fell for tears, i broke for sun, i sent letters off to no one.....i wanted to not exist and not trip into captivity but a sickened and weak man wants and wants again..
once the night laid its weary head to sleep, and my staggard, starry dream came to end, i slept vaguely and eventually awoke to a cauldron of thoughts, boiling the walls and spilling it all out to me......i needed to leave......not because of her but because of me. I saw this eye with far reaching desire to love, something. I could not refocus from this blur of thought. The weak and albeit lacking beat in my heart poked fun at me. I felt lost about walking away. But as I turned this new story, my moments with Tessa remained at the surface and bookmarked pages of hope.....she had me.
a brilliant princess working the grounds of love, life and happiness...someone that knew pain and accepted others as they were deep within their own......this is how she carried herself......i will not know why....but she stood firm and focused energy upon me...at last, the rutterless grief-stricken vessel submerged....i sunk...
The days after were an attempt to push aside and forget what I had felt that night. As drunk and dreamy as it all was, something stuck with me and all I could think about was, what if I were to see her again? I shook this off in the mirror as I readied myself each day but there stood a shadow behind me...it was not looking away.
Life at home became even more stressful from this point on. The discomfort between le' posa and I carried extra burden...for every time I looked at her I blanked out and placed Tessa inside the space I gazed through.
Possibly, days were spent...grinding my normal life back into place when it happened....a buzz deep within my pocket captured my attention....a number I was unfamiliar with posted its display...I answered and hurriedly skipped to the printer room where I worked......"hello?" It was Ms. Tessa. The earth caved in that moment and a sensation carried itself with incredible volume, looking to release but bouncing back from my fingertips and toes was more energy than I could consume. There she was, not in front of me physically, although it felt as much as that. I nervous chuckle and numerous "yea..cool-s" later.......we were meeting for lunch next week.
Leading up to this day was a rugged trip. Walking on egg shells as usual but they were far more fragile than days before. I could not wait and did not know what to expect from Tessa. A genuine and real encounter with her might take on new meaning and quite possibly be disappointing. I tried to focus on the negative side of things in hopes to scare that mirror of shadows away...but a smile, deep in my heart left hope hovering within view.
I left work at my unusual hour....driving without much inside from another week, weak and empty. The Green Dragon was meeting ground for Tessa and I. I enjoyed this venue and its comfort seemed proper for a casual hello and perhaps goodbye. I admit, this childlike imagination of mine drew stories of serial killings and rabid boyfriends hooked on meth hoping to rob for blow, but nothing was stopping me from this unknown.
I waltzed through the door then laid blanket with my eyes to the surroundings...she wasn't there...relief mixed with disappointment, something hard to believe but a mix worth noting. I spoke inside my head with "oh well", then sat accordingly. However, that is when she walked over to me...from a point bleached with sunlight....and that just figured....Tessa arrived...and dove into my life.
The instant glance of surprise spoke and we saw the same...."is this cool" headlight.....animals unsure of where they are....we saw blinded history.....but the visionaries, that we were....calmed.....we recognized that we actually planned to be there,together, from this planet that was just "out there".
Lets talk and stroll through what just happened a short time ago.......a short time which held a strong and wide brush wanting an open canvas......
The fun was that uncertainty twisted common sense and we both were skating for balance in this situation.
.....till next time.......
.....which has arised.......
This deep wonder....which felt alive...escape and what I felt I deserved......Tessa seemed like she could mean so much more than I believed.....and my open heart,sent its response. I couldn't look away from seeing her next to me,.my usual fidgeting and weird quirks saw pause. I thought this could be.....wanted it to be....of a stander by....take a step and hang with what is inside ....blend with the eyes of the world........walk this world,,,cause I said so, you know, said Id wander inside. After hardship, between me and before....
i felt the ground tremor as her 6" stiletto heels pounded and pierced the phony wood tiles branding the stage....the glare from these sick plastic shoes brought wince to my eyes, but they regrouped and remained open and wide...quickly locking with hers and forging an incredible desire...
I understood the drill, with clientele, but something felt different when Ms. Tessa sat eagerly atop her bar stool seat, an effort, perhaps to meet....someone different and strange, not typical and maybe not that tame. Pumping with confidence from beers and...well, beers...I spoke outside my lines and laid ground for something I didn't even realize. The fact of the matter was this venue's product is fantasy, and fuck did I land on it's island in style. I had enough of enough, needed a vacation from my life and so...I wanted to buy land. The uneven, eco-unfriendly table nearly spilled our swill when one of us, or both of us posted elbows on it's surface..but Tessa's lashes never crossed over to cover her lovely, vibrant eyes...her portrait remained aglow.
After a short conversation i let her dance..and bury my mind, ditching away the shreds of life left, broken from the terror I relate to on any given day...this brought purpose and sound into a fading drum...the beat in my heart felt a rebirth. I began to feel ashamed at myself for following the fairy tail that this scene fosters, yet demons crept and crawled...and I scampered away....it all took hold.
i watched victims, suckered for money, pray for love...while each temptress talked their game and danced on top and over any sense of hope. Scared to acknowledge that I felt I was the same, a lost ship, sinking and rutterless, baring witness to this maiden, engaged in her own voyage....she drew me close with a different approach.........
Bending my limits enough, i intended to crawl away but the stubborn substance which kept me creeping along was forcing and forging a path without my enforced direction.....i knew I knew this woman from history and a life which ive passed through before.....
i fell for tears, i broke for sun, i sent letters off to no one.....i wanted to not exist and not trip into captivity but a sickened and weak man wants and wants again..
once the night laid its weary head to sleep, and my staggard, starry dream came to end, i slept vaguely and eventually awoke to a cauldron of thoughts, boiling the walls and spilling it all out to me......i needed to leave......not because of her but because of me. I saw this eye with far reaching desire to love, something. I could not refocus from this blur of thought. The weak and albeit lacking beat in my heart poked fun at me. I felt lost about walking away. But as I turned this new story, my moments with Tessa remained at the surface and bookmarked pages of hope.....she had me.
a brilliant princess working the grounds of love, life and happiness...someone that knew pain and accepted others as they were deep within their own......this is how she carried herself......i will not know why....but she stood firm and focused energy upon me...at last, the rutterless grief-stricken vessel submerged....i sunk...
The days after were an attempt to push aside and forget what I had felt that night. As drunk and dreamy as it all was, something stuck with me and all I could think about was, what if I were to see her again? I shook this off in the mirror as I readied myself each day but there stood a shadow behind me...it was not looking away.
Life at home became even more stressful from this point on. The discomfort between le' posa and I carried extra burden...for every time I looked at her I blanked out and placed Tessa inside the space I gazed through.
Possibly, days were spent...grinding my normal life back into place when it happened....a buzz deep within my pocket captured my attention....a number I was unfamiliar with posted its display...I answered and hurriedly skipped to the printer room where I worked......"hello?" It was Ms. Tessa. The earth caved in that moment and a sensation carried itself with incredible volume, looking to release but bouncing back from my fingertips and toes was more energy than I could consume. There she was, not in front of me physically, although it felt as much as that. I nervous chuckle and numerous "yea..cool-s" later.......we were meeting for lunch next week.
Leading up to this day was a rugged trip. Walking on egg shells as usual but they were far more fragile than days before. I could not wait and did not know what to expect from Tessa. A genuine and real encounter with her might take on new meaning and quite possibly be disappointing. I tried to focus on the negative side of things in hopes to scare that mirror of shadows away...but a smile, deep in my heart left hope hovering within view.
I left work at my unusual hour....driving without much inside from another week, weak and empty. The Green Dragon was meeting ground for Tessa and I. I enjoyed this venue and its comfort seemed proper for a casual hello and perhaps goodbye. I admit, this childlike imagination of mine drew stories of serial killings and rabid boyfriends hooked on meth hoping to rob for blow, but nothing was stopping me from this unknown.
I waltzed through the door then laid blanket with my eyes to the surroundings...she wasn't there...relief mixed with disappointment, something hard to believe but a mix worth noting. I spoke inside my head with "oh well", then sat accordingly. However, that is when she walked over to me...from a point bleached with sunlight....and that just figured....Tessa arrived...and dove into my life.
The instant glance of surprise spoke and we saw the same...."is this cool" headlight.....animals unsure of where they are....we saw blinded history.....but the visionaries, that we were....calmed.....we recognized that we actually planned to be there,together, from this planet that was just "out there".
Lets talk and stroll through what just happened a short time ago.......a short time which held a strong and wide brush wanting an open canvas......
The fun was that uncertainty twisted common sense and we both were skating for balance in this situation.
.....till next time.......
.....which has arised.......
This deep wonder....which felt alive...escape and what I felt I deserved......Tessa seemed like she could mean so much more than I believed.....and my open heart,sent its response. I couldn't look away from seeing her next to me,.my usual fidgeting and weird quirks saw pause. I thought this could be.....wanted it to be....of a stander by....take a step and hang with what is inside ....blend with the eyes of the world........walk this world,,,cause I said so, you know, said Id wander inside. After hardship, between me and before....
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