Friday, September 16, 2011

forgive me, my......

i deal with god...days, in time
i move my words
carefully
around its watchful eye
translation and catalog, will bring fear
of a pain
that punishes me
a punishment from inside
breaching the only true place to hide
me....
a powerlessness to this
surrounding tree
taller than eyes wish to see
soaking in dirt feels home
away from it, this, one, of all
this shining darkness veiled and false
setting into tomorrows love
that never comes

give us this place
so lifeless and same
drown us in ignorance
and burn your name
across
a cross
which marks our own graves

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

looking around

i roll each skyline and hang eyes up in lids, then wish to blink again

opening this pair of them, to something less piercing

a cavern....vision...starry...and deep....a blend of colors, love, 360 degrees, circular sends message...

i try to look beyond, yet remain before.....myself.....

past and present, full circle

guide the blind of me because i am...

i can step with faith in the fall of twilight......glow and grace my path....convince me...and i'll land...at least partial feet......can plant....

Speak and send this lookout, something to rely on....here...waiting and ready with intention...a flare, a fire, a mist a fog...give out, broadcast signals and let retna set in.........and on....then inform, group the effort but walk the line, all the same.......ghosts see it more and dont talk....we speak and try not to scare, however...we know we're there....bodies adhere, to this stage called a stoop...flys gather and couple.....might i be dead......alone...flying and shipping messages into my own face?  This unknown carrier is carrying the loft of my life away.......

Sunday, September 11, 2011

amongst them

write goodnight to your sweetheart and read letters beneath the fall of light

leaves that leave you.....the message among walls....fields and vision, between lines

separate lives........with pulse, the walkthrough is natures pride

today, the trees beat the sunset..with those barked in faces from bystanders, staring too long....trunk to sky...why we dont grow with such grace

take what seasons give...and not give into

each foot fought, branching out, laughed at...lat and long, knowing no home...tough through weather, gentle with rain...gracious of all...trees talk much more than we know....

Saturday, September 10, 2011

growing somewhere



you fell and left direction behind

blending with new words writing up towards your face

this tickle of life...felt more like the sting of a puzzle missing pieces....brace yourself for a vision...that paints more than face value

trip, twist, tear and dive, let the rhythm hit you

dig alive...a grave for future

this happy boy once lived, in the eye of a vibrant storm, breathing ease and feeling free of it all

walk this path within him...step outside and close closed doors.......

Monday, September 5, 2011

attempting to build


loving something to a point of burning chills and scalds....a moments momentum.....a brotherhood and mixture of all......we chant the same pain.....

flesh, bone and life....rake coals, across storied face....baring soul and flipping page by page...let the moon dream, then rip stars out....constellations tell a new way......

winds which lack patience...sails that float ideas..... push scratching, abandoned branches across stationary that once loved a fluid pen, answer your anger.......

our lives spit back with...dry subtle blinks leaving lashes to tell stories.and dropping not....easy to draft corners..touch us in.....each look fits lonely.....placing its space....build yourself into it...hello and goodbye my lofty little bird...take this memory...for the minutes we preserve......precious, they may become......

when you wake to an ending

this kingdom crowns your head without answer

tear us out together

sun, blesses and curses a fall for us all

i switch off to the death in my own life

i finally found my upper hand

when we welcome prey, accepting done

promise me and sprout this vision.......we will be a glance of words...letting our sun in and set our intention........forward or back....curvy roads still steer us....a notice that seems lost......eyes can cry no matter what....








Sunday, September 4, 2011

waltz with me

everything went black the moment my eyelids resurfaced and soaked up her face...she woke my spirit, in a somewhat violent way...she fevered my breath and beat my heart faster than i could manage, inside and instantly, she had her grip. Her name was Tessa, or so that was the stage name provided to me. i had been through a hell of a time in a relationship that wreaked havoc on my soul...so much so that i was now on the self destruction highway and i wasn't getting any speeding tickets....

i felt the ground tremor as her 6" stiletto heels pounded and pierced the phony wood tiles branding the stage....the glare from these sick plastic shoes brought wince to my eyes, but they regrouped and remained open and wide...quickly locking with hers and forging an incredible desire...

I understood the drill, with clientele, but something felt different when Ms. Tessa sat eagerly atop her bar stool seat, an effort, perhaps to meet....someone different and strange, not typical and maybe not that tame. Pumping with confidence from beers and...well, beers...I spoke outside my lines and laid ground for something I didn't even realize. The fact of the matter was this venue's product is fantasy, and fuck did I land on it's island in style. I had enough of enough, needed a vacation from my life and so...I wanted to buy land. The uneven, eco-unfriendly table nearly spilled our swill when one of us, or both of us posted elbows on it's surface..but Tessa's lashes never crossed over to cover her lovely, vibrant eyes...her portrait remained aglow.

After a short conversation i let her dance..and bury my mind, ditching away the shreds of life left, broken from the terror I relate to on any given day...this brought purpose and sound into a fading drum...the beat in my heart felt a rebirth. I began to feel ashamed at myself for following the fairy tail that this scene fosters, yet demons crept and crawled...and I scampered away....it all took hold.

i watched victims, suckered for money, pray for love...while each temptress talked their game and danced on top and over any sense of hope. Scared to acknowledge that I felt I was the same, a lost ship, sinking and rutterless, baring witness to this maiden, engaged in her own voyage....she drew me close with a different approach.........

Bending my limits enough, i intended to crawl away but the stubborn substance which kept me creeping along was forcing and forging a path without my enforced direction.....i knew I knew this woman from history and a life which ive passed through before.....

i fell for tears, i broke for sun, i sent letters off to no one.....i wanted to not exist and not trip into captivity but a sickened and weak man wants and wants again..

once the night laid its weary head to sleep, and my staggard, starry dream came to end, i slept vaguely and eventually awoke to a cauldron of thoughts, boiling the walls and spilling it all out to me......i needed to leave......not because of her but because of me.  I saw this eye with far reaching desire to love, something.  I could not refocus from this blur of thought.  The weak and albeit lacking beat in my heart poked fun at me.  I felt lost about walking away.  But as I turned this new story, my moments with Tessa remained at the surface and bookmarked pages of hope.....she had me.

a brilliant princess working the grounds of love, life and happiness...someone that knew pain and accepted others as they were deep within their own......this is how she carried herself......i will not know why....but she stood firm and focused energy upon me...at last, the rutterless grief-stricken vessel submerged....i sunk...

The days after were an attempt to push aside and forget what I had felt that night.  As drunk and dreamy as it all was, something stuck with me and all I could think about was, what if I were to see her again?  I shook this off in the mirror as I readied myself each day but there stood a shadow behind me...it was not looking away.

Life at home became even more stressful from this point on.  The discomfort between le' posa and I carried extra burden...for every time I looked at her I blanked out and placed Tessa inside the space I gazed through.

Possibly, days were spent...grinding my normal life back into place when it happened....a buzz deep within my pocket captured my attention....a number I was unfamiliar with posted its display...I answered and hurriedly skipped to the printer room where I worked......"hello?"  It was Ms.  Tessa.  The earth caved in that moment and a sensation carried itself with incredible volume, looking to release but bouncing back from my fingertips and toes was more energy than I could consume.  There she was, not in front of me physically, although it felt as much as that.  I nervous chuckle and numerous "yea..cool-s" later.......we were meeting for lunch next week.

Leading up to this day was a rugged trip.  Walking on egg shells as usual but they were far more fragile than days before.  I could not wait and did not know what to expect from Tessa.  A genuine and real encounter with her might take on new meaning and quite possibly be disappointing.  I tried to focus on the negative side of things in hopes to scare that mirror of shadows away...but a smile, deep in my heart left hope hovering within view.

I left work at my unusual hour....driving without much inside from another week, weak and empty.  The Green Dragon was meeting ground for Tessa and I.  I enjoyed this venue and its comfort seemed proper for a casual hello and perhaps goodbye.  I admit, this childlike imagination of mine drew stories of serial killings and rabid boyfriends hooked on meth hoping to rob for blow, but nothing was stopping me from this unknown.

I waltzed through the door then laid blanket with my eyes to the surroundings...she wasn't there...relief mixed with disappointment, something hard to believe but a mix worth noting.  I spoke inside my head with "oh well", then sat accordingly.  However, that is when she walked over to me...from a point bleached with sunlight....and that just figured....Tessa arrived...and dove into my life.

The instant glance of surprise spoke and we saw the same...."is this cool" headlight.....animals unsure of where they are....we saw blinded history.....but the visionaries, that we were....calmed.....we recognized that we actually planned to be there,together, from this planet that was just "out there". 

Lets talk and stroll through what just happened a short time ago.......a short time which held a strong and wide brush wanting an open canvas......

The fun was that uncertainty twisted common sense and we both were skating for balance in this situation.

.....till next time.......

.....which has arised.......

This deep wonder....which felt alive...escape and what I felt I deserved......Tessa seemed like she could mean so much more than I believed.....and my open heart,sent its response.  I couldn't look away from seeing her next to me,.my usual fidgeting and weird quirks saw pause.  I thought this could be.....wanted it to be....of a stander by....take a step  and  hang with what is inside ....blend with the eyes of  the world........walk this world,,,cause I said so, you know, said Id wander inside.  After hardship, between me and before....

Saturday, September 3, 2011

cover me

this blanket calls and causes tears...to fall...for the one in me, as each grasp holds firm to the wall aside......a blanket of life....

each drop is formed with meaning and, breaks open, spilling all of us.....i watched playful lives fill the streets and topple curbs, while wind sunk meaning into absurd...begone, have fun and talk about it yesterday....

i dig and forge deep, but my sweat and weakness barely allows my vacant footprint to plant......there is a loftiness when stepping on a stone that has clouds, above and below...

I bat my eyes, then wince at the sun.......tears fold my vision....i read my palm with a hope and desire......to anew myself......im gone...im left....behind, forgive and forget.......the power i feel sitting underneath this sun. these conversations with the moon, humble me...peel me...away, a tear, in my own fragile fabric........i die and watch the widow, that ive become........