rhythmless

i love that i lost feeling 

leaving a chip on my shoulder as guardian
but i hate that i've gained such weight in thought
emotional scales often tip and refuse reprieve for balance

perhaps this loss of feeling is superficial and i'm grasping for meaning as usual

what a tight-rope walk i continue

with a casual yet consistent desire to saw, scrape and detach its anchor point

even at its most taunt i remain off balance

i am a groupthink of lost rhythm
these many lives together pulling down from each direction from atop

looking down doesn't matter

somehow i teeter but wont fall

looking up into dizzying space

with no stars neighbored to my gaze

there is no blacking out, still

dark earth haunts below

within each sunset i sink into this phantom life

one that continues to rise despite no shimmering or shine

staring into the sun bleaches the color from my eyes

leaving vacancy on the surface but still begging to be covered as a barrier to my soul

looking within

with what the walls of blood force us to take notice of

too terrifying to tell, to diminishing to ignore