dear meh

this not so new found foe that sits upon a pedestal posing as friend within me

i look outside when the sun shines, yet i freeze, draw a cold air in, and my eyes wince, with brittle lashes....frozen, somehow

lift my head as if to imagine making my own sun shine above, to glare upon my face, far above this icy land below

what bears down on me is blinding, but not warm, nor hot, not anything within mother nature

there is a covering, smothering effect shielding my vision to what was once...once carries a distance of possibilities and once is now seemingly lost in the complicated folds of this blinding curtain called uncertainty

moments, upon moments happen, where I engage, then drift

the yearning, the desire to accomplish and move forward is powerful and commanding

the continued stare in this direction holds its ground, momentum never comes, the gears continue their start then stall

looking to wisdom, and experience, why cant meh be overcome with such tools? this first question mark should be a symbol of progress, a real question and not a declaration, vaguely presented during a statement of defeat

somehow, there is a hovering defeat, always looming and dark, suffocating the walk towards that door out, creating a lock, before you even reach the handle in hopes of turning it round...